Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Etch a Postcard: "How I Dearly Wish I Was Not Here"

Foreword: I usually only post writings like this on my personal livejournal but I decided to share this on my art journal. I find it tragically inspiring.


I am sitting at my desk. It is 5:16 PM. I am feeling a slight breeze push my hair aside and I am wearing my black robe. I can see wild strawberries growing outside my room. The way the sun lights up the plant life and trees outside puts me in a pleasantly calm state. Stevie Wonder sings to me about how he is too high. My mind is engulfed with thoughts of you. I catch myself staring at your photos for quite sometime. The joining of thoughts and emotional & physical longing is almost too much to bare at times. I try to subside these feelings with images of you or our music but... it just makes me miss you more and more. I remember the feeling I felt when I met you that Sunday night. I felt lonely. In every sense of the word. A stinging desire to connect with another human. A connection I have always wanted. I felt sad. I felt thrown aside. I felt alone. I felt overlooked. I felt... my heart felt... like crying.

You were more than I could have ever asked for. Wished for. Hoped for.

You're brilliant. I cannot lie, I am so taken with your lips. Your eyes. Your smile. Gah. It gets me every time. Meeting someone who matches you in countless aspects but differs in just as many qualities and tastes is incredible. Learning. Teaching. They are one in the same of exciting thoughts for me; I get giddy thinking about it, honestly. Music is my world. To be your equal in the appreciation of it and specifically it's jazz & old school genres is I can't begin to explain how fucking good that feels. In fact, I don't have to. Because I know you understand that completely. And Christ, that feels even better, doesn't it? I remember not wanting to get ahead of myself when we first started talking but how could I not? It seems like things get better and better as time passes. A premonition of what's to come, no doubt.

May I tell you a secret?

I have been wanting to share my new life with someone worthwhile for so long. I have always been a curious and adventurous creature and truly hoped I could find another to match my thirst for life and love. And I see that in you, dearest. I hope talk like this doesn't put you off or make you uneasy like we are rushing things... I am not looking to rush anything, I am simply stating my happiness with the quality of your character and the compatibility we have found in one another. I am a lucky girl. You are one of a kind. The potential happiness to be experienced within the company of each other is immeasurable. And that... is amazing. To feel so scared to put yourself out there... yet, confident that you are being shielded from the worst the world has to offer by the best it has to offer.

I apologize if this letter seems as if I am rambling but I have to channel my longing for you somewhere. And my first choice of being with you immediately is unfortunately impossible. God, I miss you. There's no where in this ghastly & stunning world I would rather be than with you, swimming in the sounds of your piano playing & melting into your kisses. That's the truth.

Thank you for creating these feelings in me.

...and for making me ...and my heart... smile again. I adore you. You. You. You. <33333333



1 comment:

  1. You're simply one of the best things to ever happen to me.

    "The States" are eagerly awaiting for your return.